Horner Kevin - Horner’s Corner

Negativity is something that can affect most people at some point in their lives, however there are some people that feel that they can never shake it off and that negativity is just a way of life for them. If you are one of these people you will understand that it is a difficult way of life, just going from one worry to the next. Seeing everything in a pessimistic way and not really being positive about anything. Well if this describes what is going on with you then fear not as a solution could be just around the corner.

Each and every year I see numerous amounts of clients that come to me for one to one sessions to help them to beat their negative attitude and today I want to cover some of the tips that I will often give to them through their sessions with me.

Here are some of my tops tips for dealing with negativity!

1. Get a goal. A negative person will always focus on what they can’t do as, apposed to what they can do or what they would like to do. Find something that is easily achievable and do it! Each time you do something like this &ndash push the boundaries making each thing just that little more difficult. Afterwards &ndash enjoy your sense of achievement.

2. Drink more water! It is a fact that at the point that we are thirsty that we are already dehydrated. This is bad news for our brain as it is made up mostly of water. When we become dehydrated, we are unable to function to full capacity, which ultimately makes use feel a bit slower then we normally would be and this can boost our negativity. Check with your Doctor just how much water you should be drinking each day.

3. Eat well. Eat more fresh fruits and vegetables throughout the day. This creates a great sense of wellbeing and health that ultimately allows you to feel more positive. Try cutting out things from your diet such as caffeine and processed foods &ndash you will be amazed what a difference this will make and just how quickly you will see that change.

So there you have it &ndash some great tips to beat negativity and allow you to feel more positive. I really hope that you enjoy using them and getting the results that you want. Remember that in every negative person there is a positive person just screaming to come out!

The New Year is here and millions of us will be sitting down and writing out our New Year’s Resolutions. And, you know the drill, within two weeks they will be forgotten as we get caught up in the daily grind of life. Our fresh enthusiasm for the New Year will be gone and long forgotten.

Don’t let this happen to you!

Instead, why not ditch your New Year’s Resolutions altogether and focus on just one big goal (or Gulp!)? Maybe it’s time to switch careers, or travel the world, or change something in your relationships. Whatever your goal is, don’t let it fizzle.

Make it happen and stay on track by following this 7-day crash course designed to help you master fear and break through any challenge:

STEP 1: DARE & DEFY

Put a stake in the ground and commit to doing it. I call this Daring & Defying. Write down your One Big Gulp! on a post-it note and put it somewhere where you can see it every day. Tell your friends about and make sure you set a deadline (gulp!).

STEP 2: BREAKDOWN & BREAKTHROUGH FEAR

It’s natural to feel afraid because you’re stepping outside your comfort zone and into the void of the unknown. The thing with fear is it starts in the mind and is triggered by your thoughts and what you imagine might happen. So imagine the worst, and then put strategies in place to make sure it never happens. And then imagine the best possible outcome and focus on creating that.

STEP 3: CENTER & CONNECT TO YOUR CORE

When you calm your mind and create space and stillness, not only do you connect to your inner sage, that wise old voice within, it means you can actually hear it! When you do things that are aligned to your soul, there is no fear, there is just an inner knowingness of what feels right. So spend time walking in nature, listening to relaxing music, doing a Pilates class or meditating. And then listen closely to your inner wisdom.

STEP 4: IMAGINE & INVENT NEW POSSIBILITIES

Your sense of possibility is only limited by the extent of your imagination. So as you think about your One Big Gulp!, imagine all the possible outcomes or scenarios. Expand your vision of “what could be.” Visit a caf

LIFE IS A JOURNEY...

We have to go through many stations to reach the final destination.

Reaching each station is also important, as with the reaching of each station we are closer to our target.

When we talk about time management we should keep both short term goals and long term goals in mind.

If you are focusing only on the big goal while making a time management scheme, then you better sit down and review your time management scheme, plans and actions.

GO STEP BY STEP

You need to be logical and analyze each and every step needed to achieve you goal. Each and every step then should be defined and timed realistically.

Ideally, the steps or short-term goals should be broken into as many small steps or sub-goals as possible, needed to achieve the short-term goal. This will make your goals very clear and at the same time will make achieving your long-term goal seem reachable.

PASSION+DETERMINATION=SUCCESS

To get to your ultimate goal you need to strive everyday. There may be times when you would feel that you are going to fail but if you have the determination and the passion - just keep going on. Stand firmly on what you believe in, keep achieving your short goals and you will find that the target is right in front of you. Just a few more determined steps and you would be able to smell the sweet smell of success.

TAKE A BREAK OF PURPOSE

Its not that you cannot stop in the middle of it and take a break. You can take a break but make sure that this is a purposeful break and that after this you would be able to be on track with a renewed zeal.

TRICKY BUT SIMPLE !!

Time management may be tricky but if the target is always in your mind and your focus is on the road leading to it, then your task is simple- just follow your mind.

While laying out your plans, you need to visualize each and every aspect, envisaging any hurdles, which could delay or derail your progress.

Now that you know your goal requirements and that you have taken care of all aspects and anticipated obstacles, let the journey begin with your eyes on the final objective.

THE 'C' FACTOR

When you are planning to be a leader in your business category, then apart from achieving other goals like finance, marketing, distribution etc., there is one important factor to be considered is Competition. This one factor alone can topple all your plans.

Competition will affect all your plans and has to be considered, in order to make you time management plan successful. You need to be alert and be in touch with the things going around. Your plans also need to adept according to the market situation. Due to competition, the final price may go lower and now your plan should be robust enough to withstand the sudden fall in your margin.

FUTURE-PROOF PLANNING

You need to consider the increase in the cost of all inputs as well as the possibility of selling your final product at lower margins to stay in the competition.

Your plans have to be realistic and should have considered the future increase in overheads of your business as well as increase of your family expenses.

YOU ARE THE POINT-OF-VIEW

When you are defining and scheduling your goals, you need to define them from your perspective i.e. keeping your abilities and skills in your mind.

If you or any of your staff have to undergo any skill or education enhancement to fulfill your aim, this will increase your expenses. This will also have a bearing on time. All this have to be accounted for in your business plan sketch. All this will be compensated by increase in productivity and you would be well on the road to victory.

So remember without conquering smaller hills and mountains a Mount Everest expedition can not be accomplished successfully.

Have you ever found yourself angry with people you care about and didn’t seem able to stop yourself? Do people who love you tell you that you have anger management issues? Have you lost some important relationships or created problems for yourself at work because you couldn’t seem to control your angry behavior?

If this describes you, then you need to regain control and stop yourself from hurting others. The first thing to do is to recognize that you are choosing your anger. What? Choosing my anger? Why in the world would I do that? Well, there are several reasons people may choose anger. Let’s see which one best describes you.

Some people use anger to intimidate others and subsequently get what they want. In this way, the angry person is able to control the behavior of others.

Some people use their anger as a way of getting attention. If a person needs attention, it doesn’t always matter whether that attention is positive or negative, as long as someone is noticing him or her.

Anger can also be used as a tactic to avoid responsibility. If a person doesn’t want to do something, anger can be a valid way to get out of it.

Similar to wanting attention, sometimes people are feeling small and insignificant and anger works to pump themselves up or provide courage to do something scary.

And others use it as an emotional release, much the same way a pressure cooker lets off steam. Anger has energy. When someone is experiencing things that are frustrating, he or she may not be dealing with his or her anger. Instead of processing it, cognitively restructuring some belief systems or working out the energy physically, anger can provide a much needed release valve.

Do you recognize yourself in any of those scenarios? When you lose your temper, which one of these reasons best identifies what you are trying to accomplish? Perhaps you have yet another reason. One thing I know for sure is that you always behave in your best attempt to get something you want. Your behavior is never random and it never “just happens" to you.

It’s a very subtle difference but an important one nonetheless. All behavior is proactive. You do not choose a behavior because of something that occurred outside of you. For example, I can remember asking my youngest son to clean his room. He said he would do it later&ndashonly later never came. So, I patiently asked him a second time. Again, he said he’d do it later. This went on for most of the day. Finally, in exasperation, I lost my temper with him and yelled at him about cleaning his room.

The question is why did I get angry? Most people would say I got angry because my son wouldn’t do what I asked. However, the real reason is that I used my anger as my best attempt to get my son to clean his room. (Just for the record, it didn’t work very well.)

Why am I making this seemingly insignificant distinction? Because once you become conscious of the reasons you are choosing your behavior, then you can consciously choose to do something more responsible and more effective.

More responsible means you are getting your needs met without interfering with other people meeting theirs. Effective means it actually works to get you what you really want.

When you use anger, it is not responsible because anger almost always interferes with the other person getting his or her needs met. You definitely have not only the right, but also the responsibility to get your needs met but not at the expense of someone else.

Underlying most reasons for choosing anger, you are probably attempting to improve an important relationship in your life. Anger will never work to do that. You may get the initial satisfaction of getting the other person to do your bidding, but you have damaged something in the relationship.

You must make a proactive plan about what you are going to do instead of using anger. It should be something that has at least an equal chance of getting you what you want while supporting others in their process of getting their own needs met.

Most successful people are those who always try to look things from the positive point of view. They are unlikely to get stressed. They can always find solutions to their problems.

And those who are not positive enough, are likely to get stressed easily and find it hard to solve problems.

Which group would you like to be in?

I’d choose the first one, for sure. And I bet no one prefers the second one.

Here are some little known ways to be a positive person:

• Throw away all your negative thoughts

Don’t let a single second of your time is used to think of something negative. If it suddenly cross to your mind, direct your thought to something else. Even if it’s hard on the first days, later you’ll get used to it.

• Focus more on your achievements than your failure

Everyone must have had experienced success and failure. Yet, don’t focus too much on your failure. You can learn from it but don’t let it turn you down. I bet you also have had lots of success. For example, you might have been the best in class when it came to history papers. Or, you were once the best employee of the month, etc.

• Get a mantra

Even if you’re not a magician, you are allowed to have a mantra. It can be ‘I’m a great writer’ or ‘I am very good in web designing’ or ‘I am a happy person.’ When you wake up in the morning, spell your mantra at least three times and use your imagination. A simple yet useful trick!

• Grab energy from successful and positive people around you

Learn from them. You are who your friends are. So, try to be their good friends.

• Stop being judgmental to yourself and others

Yes, don’t be so hard on yourself and on others.

It’s a long way from mediocrity to excellence. So common sense would seem to indicate that it’s just as long a road from excellence to greatness. But I believe that greatness is an entirely different road that bypasses both mediocrity and excellence. Greatness is no closer to excellence than it is to mediocrity. Bill Gates is excellent; Nelson Mandela is great. Bill was busy making his first billion and putting a PC on every desk while Nelson was languishing in prison. That’s the difference.

True greatness can only be born from personal tragedy. It’s not the only ingredient, but it is indispensable. Even tragedy won’t be enough without choosing the appropriate response &ndash if you react by choosing caution and dedicating your life to avoiding further pain (as most people do), the world shrinks &ndash you will find that you lack the imagination to find any risk worth taking, and lack the courage to take a risk even if you found it.

You could definitely call me a whiner. Sometimes, anyway. Life is just too difficult and there is just too much pain - especially the emotional kind. My heart gets broken, people betray me, my hopes get dashed time and time again, I climb towards the summit time and time again only to get knocked down once more. If life could just be a little bit easier...But in my heart I know that even if it got easier I still wouldn't be satisfied. I won't be satisfied until things are ... PERFECT. I guess we all long for a perfect world. Believers wait for one, agnostics long for one, and atheists wish they could stop thinking about it. So let's do a thought experiment here - what if the world was really perfect? What if there was no war, no poverty, everyone was beatiful and healthy, we all lived forever, nobody had acne, everybody loved each other and nobody picked their nose?

It's the ultimate challenge for a Professional Whiner - to find something wrong with a perfect world. But I accept the challenge. There is one thing that would be missing in a perfect word, one kind of person that heaven cannot produce.

A hero.

Heros are born of adversity, and since a perfect world would have no adversity, a perfect world would have no heroes, only soft, fuzzy whiners who wouldn't last 30 minutes in a Louisiana cotton field. Of course it could be argued that a perfect world would have no need of heroes. Well, this world has no real need for the Grand Canyon or the Himalaya mountains, but they sure are nice...

Without fear there can be no courage. Without the possibility of betrayal there can be no real devotion to another. And without being familiar with despair, we cannot know true joy. I find something surpassingly beautiful about a strong and noble character - a nail that refuses to be pounded down.

When I get depressed or upset about the way that life is treating me, I try to remember that someday I will have forever to take it easy and thrill as every dream I've ever dreamed comes true one by one. But who will I be by then? That is all being determined right now. This brief millisecond between birth and death is the only chance I'll ever have, in all of eternity, to stand strong and prove myself against adversity. I can only hope that when it's all said and done that I will have proven myself worthy.

A phobia is an extreme and irrational fear of a particular situation or behaviour. Many phobias exist in our society. Common phobias include Claustrophobia, which is the fear of heights, and Arachnophobia, which is the fear of spiders. Erythrophobia, which is the fear of blushing, is a common phobia among people who have a proclivity for blushing.

Even though Erythrophobia isn’t one of the most widely recognized phobias in our society, it is fairly common among people who exhibit problem blushing tendencies. It is common for people who are particularly sensitive to the perceptions and judgments of others to have a predisposition to blush any time they are in a situation where they feel other people are thinking about them, looking at them, or judging them.

Excessive blushing is a physical reaction triggered in response to emotional thoughts associated with being overly concerned with the reactions of other people. Not only do problem blushers blush in response to being in situations where others may pass judgment on them, they also are concerned with how they appear to others. When problem blushers become overly concerned with how they appear to other people when they are blushing, they develop Erythrophobia.

People with Erythrophobia are afraid of how they look to others when they blush. They become preoccupied with whether or not they are blushing and how their skin appears to others. Not only is this phobia irrational, it is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Concern about how they appear to others when blushing can actually result in increased blushing. This can be a vicious cycle for problem blushers. The stronger a person’s fear of blushing, the more likely that person is to blush even more.

To people who have never experienced problem blushing, Erythrophobia, is likely to seem silly and be very difficult to understand. However, Erythrophobia is no laughing matter. For those who suffer from Erythrophobia, it is a very real and serious concern. The tendency to blush excessively, combined with an irrational fear of blushing that triggers additional blushing, can affect every component of daily life.

It is not uncommon for people with Erythrophobia to develop additional social phobias as they seek ways to avoid blushing. They are very likely to experience feelings of hopelessness and withdraw from situations that require human interaction on any level. People who experience Erythrophobia commonly develop depression.

By raising awareness of Erythrophobia and problem blushing, the general public will hopefully become more understanding of the serious nature of this problem. As problem blushing becomes more widely understood for the serious problem that it is, people who suffer from problem blushing may be able to become less self-conscious about their problem.

Numerology is an interesting stream of knowledge that offers you an insight into yourself through numbers associated with you. It could be considered an offshoot of astrology. What astrology does through stars and sun signs, numerology does through numbers. Among all numerological findings birth day numerology is considered to make best revelations about you.

There are two ways of ascertaining numerological facts through birthday numerology. The first approach is to sum up all numbers of your birth date and to continue the process of summation till you reach at one digit number. Then numerological details associated with the number are analyzed to make a statement about your real self and anticipated incidents of your life.

For example, if your date of birth is 12/04/1984, summation approach would lead to following number:

1+2+0+4+1+9+8+4=29

2+9=11

1+1=2

Thus 2 is the number that would reveal numerological facts of the person born on the date 12/04/1984.

The other way is to simply look at the number of the day of the month in which you were born. All possible dates of months have been accorded with certain numerological traits with which a person is identified.

Following are the numerological details associated with birth dates from 1st of a month to 5th of the month-

Number 1

People born on 1st are number 1 people. They are said to be leaders. They possess strong will power and their confidence is unmatchable. They could be aggressive at times.

Number 2

People born on 2nd of any month are number 2 people. They are undoubtedly emotional and sensitive. They often fall prey to mood fluctuations.

Number 3

People born on 3rd of any month are number 3 people. They are very energetic, confident and active. They possess great resilience power.

Number 4

People born on 4th of any month are number 4 people. They possess great organizing and managing skills. Thought they are a little adamant on their views.

Number 5

People born on 5th of any month are number 5 people. They are very dexterous at reflecting their thoughts through words. Their versatility is unmatchable and they hate stagnation in life. They are the people who change the order of the world.

For complete guide on all numbers till 31, you can visit .all-numerology.com/

However there exists some ambiguity in these statements as details based on numbers of month is common for all months. For example two persons born on 12th of April and 12th of January would share common traits according to this birth day numerology that is contrary to sun sign approach of astrology.

60 Ways to Boost your Self Esteem is available as a booklet at .howtobooklets.net/catalog.1.html

Below is Chapter 1 taken from this booklet. Each booklet is written to provide easy to follow information for busy people.

Chapter 1 - First 19 Self Esteem Boosters

Taken from the booklet - 60 ways to boost your self esteem

Take one of these 19 self esteem boosters and use it for the whole day if that helps. Avoid just reading them and doing nothing. Take action!

Praise Someone Today. Find someone to thank, express love and/or gratitude to

Relax Your Mind. Just for 5 seconds to start with. Stop, breathe deeply and relax.

Clear out the clutter. Your basement, the garage, the attic (loft), your old clothes from the 70s!

Forget the models on TV. Stop comparing yourself to people who make a living from the need to maintain their face and/or body, so therefore spend all day focusing on it!

Laugh. Take out your favorite comedy dvd movie or switch onto a comedy channel. Find a friend that makes you laugh.

Make other people smile. Smile at a stranger, tell a joke, tickle someone.

Dance. Take your favorite tune, turn it up loud (with headphones!) and dance until you drop!

What you focus on expands. Focus on how great you are and within no time you will feel great.

Make a decision. Is there something you have been putting off. Deciding releases feelings of anxiety. Its the indecision that causes the problem!

Let go of comparing yourself. She's prettier than I am. He's more intelligent than I am. Stop comparing yourself to other people and just focus on your own personal and professional growth.

Take a short walk. Not every day if that's too much but at least a couple of times a week stop what you are doing and take a short walk in nature.

Enjoy a relaxing bubble bath. Scented candles, soft lights and music. A warm bath full of bubbles and maybe a partner to share it with! Enjoy

Set yourself a goal. What one thing can you do in the next 48 hours that will help you feel good?

Lessen your dependence on stimulants. We are at the beginners phase so I won't say give them up but cut down at least. A little every day is better than going cold turkey!

Say something good about yourself. Right now. Yes right now as you read this say something good about yourself. GO! List what you are good at. Make a list of all the things you are really good at.

List your successes. Start small. Maybe you cleaned your car today, or you refused to eat when you were not really hungry. Is the world really that bad? Find some great things about the world, your country, your state, your home town, your neighborhood.

Create a vision for yourself. Create a vision of who you are when you are at the top of your game. What do you need to do to make that happen?

I hope you found those 19 self esteem tips useful. The next chapter focuses on taking it up a level and introduce more intermediate short term tips before ending with some advance longer term terms, all available to help you boost your self esteem and feel better about yourself.

Last week I noticed my brother trying to teach my three year old niece to say "I" - "I would like an apple..., I would like some grapes..." But she insisted that it should be said, "Vaishali wants an apple, Vaishali wants some grapes...!" Have you ever tried arguing with a three year old?

And what is more, she was right. Because right now at the age of three, she has not started to create her identity.

When you are born, you are whole, complete and perfect. Then what happens? The illusions of life begin to shroud your vision of reality as you begin to create your own map of the world. In fact, the creation of the identity occurs because of the basic principle that we are "meaning making machines." Something happens in our life and we pass the information about the situation through the filters of deletion, distortion and generalization before the information is then represented to our conscious and unconscious mind. So we have added a meaning or further interpretation to what happened, without asking if this is a true representation of the situation.

Between the Ages of 1 to 5 A situation occurs such that you think something is wrong. The meaning that you add to it is ,"I failed to be...." , so you decide to be "X". This is the first layer of your identity.

Between the Ages of 5 to 15 A situation occurs such that you think that you don't belong to a particular group. The meaning that you add is, "I am different and I am not meant to be here", and so you decide to be "Y", such that you can "fit in"! This is the second layer of your identity.

Beyond the Ages of 15 A situation occurs such that you think you are on your own. The meaning that you add to it is, "I am alone", and so you decide to be "Z", such that you can say you are unique and separate from everyone. This is the third layer of your identity.

So in basic maths form, your identity I= X+Y+Z.

Actually you discover that it's all a great big lie you have been telling yourself. When you walk the path of awareness and spirituality you will come to the point of asking the question "WHO AM I?" because consciously, deep down in your unconscious, and in your higher self, you know that the above formula is not true. Nothing is wrong, everything is perfect and is the way it is. It was just the meaning YOU attached to it.

You do fit in and you are meant to be here, because here you are. You are not alone, in fact you are connected to the infinite energy which is everywhere and everywhen. This energy is conscious and blissful, and this energy is who you are. So you are connected to everyone and everything. The truth is You are still whole and complete and as beautiful as the day you were born, and you are at choice. The choice is you can be whoever you chose to be in each moment. All you have to do is be honest about the "I" and give it up. What would life be like if you were to redefine your own foundation?

Because when you made those decisions you did not have enough life experiences to make the choices that would serve you in the future. You make decisions that will serve you in that instant because you did not know any better and some of those decisions may be holding you back from you experiencing your true nature.

You are the director, creator, editor and actor of your own reality. You are at choice in every moment. SO who do you want to be?

One question I am asked is that with this knowledge, could this whole process be avoided? The answer is no, because of the very way we are designed as meaning making machines, which is perfect, just like you. That just leaves me to conclude that there is so much we can learn from the honesty of a child.